Something to believe in?

I know it's been a while....it's been a bit crazy this spring/summer. Russ, the girls and I have had a wonderful summer of travel...a new experience for us! We drove to Hilton Head Island and spent yet another wonderful week on the beach with our dear friends the DeRome's. I love you all dearly! We came home, did laundry and repacked and flew to AZ to the White Mountain Apache Indian Reservation. We built 1 week long relationships with some incredibly beautiful Indian children and families who struggle to find hope in this beautiful but dark part of the US. I came home changed, burdened and restless...a place somewhat familiar.

I remember it like it was yesterday. A night travel in downtown Knoxville (truly one of my favorite places in the world) my junior year in college. God and I were beginning to get to know one another on a level that was new for me....(but not HIM, thankfully). There was a radio station that played 12 uninterrupted songs and I loved it! Poison's song "Something to believe in" came on the radio and at the time, I loved that song. I never have been a big fan of Poison, I still can't handle more than a second of Bret Michaels and I have a number of old friends who will make terrible fun of me for even giving them this little of attention. But, I LOVED THAT SONG!

I loved it because it forced me to feel for a moment a burden...a burden that felt like it should be mine...the burden of hurt, lost and hopeless people. It was my turn to do the bible study on our dorm wing and I decided to bring my love of that song, my bible, and an effort to communicate the burden that I felt when I heard that song. Of course, as you most likely suspected, it was not a life-changing moment for any of us...surprise! But, as with all of the songs that have made it to my blog, it was an earmark for an important time in my life.

For me, this song represents the time in my life that God was validating my call to the counseling field by sending reminders through hurting friends, my own hurt/growth, bible classes that pushed us to the urgency of the gospel message, and yes, more hair band songs. I began volunteering at a children's home and trying to build relationships with teens who were longing for love and acceptance. I joined some teams on campus that were created in efforts to help us sharpen our leadership abilities as we prepared to enter ministry and the work-field after graduation. I started taking my college classes more seriously and striving to digest as much information as my pea sized brain could hold for more reasons than my GPA. Bigger and better reasons....the fact that I was heading into a work world that God already had planned for me to love others through counseling, reach out to hurting and lost people even if they weren't asking, and to empower others to do the same. I truly loved my brothers in sisters at JBC (or should I say Johnson University-JU?) because of the bond of this calling we all shared.

I turned 40 this summer...and I hate it!! I hate it for all of the vain reasons, of course. But really what I'm wrestling with is this expectation to move into less of a learner in life and more of a leader. I find this exhausting, overwhelming and impossible for me to do without regularly making contact with my God. But that trip to AZ and a few other opportunities that have come along are pushing me to tap into that burden over and over again...and to do something! It is this burden that exhausts me daily, but points me to my need for my Savior...and I am grateful!