This is the song that I sang to Tess when she was a baby....it was the "unbelievable blue eyes I've ever seen" lyric that made me start singing it and the fact that I could bounce her through her fussiness that made it stick. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that changes your perspective more than a first-born child....and Tessa has been changing my perspective from the moment I knew her life was formed.
It was a Sunday, after about 6 weeks of fighting to keep from going into labor too soon. Russ went to church and I was too miserable. My water broke, I made phone calls, Russ sped home and 8 hours later I met this red-headed, blue eyed little girl that entered our lives, entered our home and entered our hearts. She smiled early, she laughed a lot and her independence nearly broke me....
She's eighteen now, a college student with a calling to change the world. Russ and I are often told that our children are awesome and we agree. But the questions that come about how we "did it" and "give me some advice so that my kids are as great as Tessa" stun me. They stun me because from the very first moment of parenthood you realize that although every good parenting book/psychologist/minister will tell you that you must gain control early, it is impossible. I'm gonna go so far as to say inappropriate to try. Tessa's strong will as a preschooler could set me off....my goodness that child was stubborn! But in the midst of me believing I was "controlling" or "winning the battle of wills" what was really going on was me learning how to control my temper....how to present patient even if I didn't feel patient....and learning to laugh at myself (and to be honest, her too!)
I have learned that God gave me this little girl (young woman) to love and nurture so that she could be a light in the same world that I'm trying to shine in. She isn't my "trophy" because I'm wise and good at parenting. She's not mine to control, but to shape and encourage so that when Satan attacks her she knows how to defend herself. This perspective is life changing!
In efforts to teach her how to be kind, I have been able to understand just what kindness looks like.
In efforts to teach her to love herself and be confident, I have been able to understand how I stink at this!
In efforts to teach her to love others, I have learned to do the same...more and more.
In efforts to teach her to dream big and believe that God has big plans for her, I'm learning how to let go.
Tess is an old soul...I often tell her she's an old women stuck in a teenager's body.
Tess is an independent world changer who has learned to filter advice and seek council from those that she wants to become like.
Tess has an extraordinary level of integrity mixed with a touch of sharp sarcasm....kinda makes me laugh.
She is my first-born daughter with a bit of me, a bit of Russ, and overflowing with God....and I am grateful!
